IS THERE A POSSIBLE MEDICAL EXPLANATION FOR AN ABUSER'S COMPULSIVE SEXUAL ACTIONS & ERRATIC BEHAVIOUR?

So, one of my readers/reviewers wrote to me the other day with this question:

"I have been thinking about something you said and I can't get it out of my mind...you mentioned that your father began molesting you around the same time he was experiencing migraine headaches....could it be at all possible that your father suffered from a brain tumor?  I read recently that certain tumors can trigger compulsive sexual actions and other erratic behavior....just a thought.....perhaps you can speak to a neurosurgeon who would know whether or not your father displayed any such symptomatic behavior.....if so, it may be some small comfort to you, that he had no control over his actions.....just a thought I felt I needed to share...."

I was very pleased she came out and asked me this question, primarily because it's really good to know your book has left a reader still thinking about the why's and wherefores ... just as I've been doing all my life!

In fact, I'm pretty sure my own reading habits ( I love psychological thrillers) stem from my never satisfied need to know why my father abused me sexually, mentally and physically.  After all these years, even though I'm reasonably well-healed and have achieved further closure by writing my book, NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER, not a day goes by that I don't ask myself, as I did in the closing lines of my story, "WHY?" Why did daddy do that to me?

Was there something, as the questioner asks, medically wrong with him i.e.  a tumour? I told my reader I didn't think that was an explanation as he had begun having the migraines, sporadically, shortly after we moved to Canada. He would have been stressed, looking for work etc. and he had always been a perfectionist, e.g. when as a child I'd proudly showed him I got 98% on a math test and he replied:

"What's good about that? It should be 100%!"

From what I've read, perfectionists are prone to migraines. Furthermore, he would have been in his mid-thirties when we came to Canada ... but he was nearly 80 when he died. So a tumour is an unlikely reason for his "compulsive sexual actions and other erratic behaviour." It would have been nice if indeed, that had been the reason: it might have been easier to forgive him.

But now, thinking about the question in the title of my blog post, if there isn't a medical explanation for why sexual abusers abuse, then what is the explanation? What goes on inside their heads? What makes them think it's okay to have sex with their own children? For that matter, why do rapists rape? Were they themselves perhaps, the victims of sexual or other abuse as children? Rape is an angry act. It's also an act of insecurity. It's a need to feel powerful. Does that spell a loss of power, security way back in the abuser's own childhood? Or is rape, sexual abuse of children, or any kind of abuse all about being narcissistic ... of feeling one's own needs supersede everyone else's? Do these abusers have a sense of entitlement? Were they perhaps spoiled as children to the extent that they believe they can have whatever they want when they want it?

I know from what little my father told me of his early childhood that his own father was a high court judge, and his son could have whatever he wanted. My father was used to having his own way, even as a child. Then suddenly, his mother passed away from TB when he was 10. He lost something he really needed: his mother, and no amount of money could bring her back. So he grabbed onto love, my mother's, mine, and then did everything in his power to hold onto it, including, in my case, forcing sex on me when I was too young and too scared to stop him.

Have you been a victim of incest? Are you, like me, always seeking an explanation for why it happened to you? Are you forever asking yourself 'WHY?" Why did my father molest me? Why did my brother force himself on me? Why did my grandfather touch me sexually? Have you come up with any answers? Do you know enough about their pasts to shed some light on the reasons for their behaviour? I'd be interested in your thoughts and comments. Thanks for reading.

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