Saturday, November 23, 2013

HOW MUCH GRAPHIC DETAIL SHOULD ONE INCLUDE IN A BOOK ON #CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?

I came across a very interesting blog post this morning that I want to share with you all. You can read it here:

http://www.thelamplighters.org/llblog01/graphic-details/

I have very strong feelings about this excellent post and the ideas presented. Because of that, I left a long comment on it. Here's what I wrote:

“I really liked your blog post Marjorie. I felt the points you raised were very important and I left a long comment on the post. Hope you don't mind. I'd like to share my comment here too in case others don't read what I wrote: "The points you've raised here are very important. This is something I had to decide when I was writing my book, NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER: how graphic should my book be? In the end, I found I couldn't write it any other way that to tell how it happened, what he said to me, how he coached me, led me to do what he wanted, and what he actually did. I saw no point in even writing the book without these details. Otherwise, what was the purpose of writing it? I wanted to enlighten others to how a predator, in this case my own father, gets his way. I wanted readers to see his thinking, the psychology, the motivation behind his actions and his ability to manipulate a defenseless child, his own child. How else to do that than by actually giving details? But as you suggest, it was necessary to put a 'trigger warning' on the book and that's what I did.

I have been criticized by only one other writer, herself a victim, for providing, what she called "the guts and gore" in my story. She said victims don't need those details, that I should have focused on recovery and healing. Well I'm not a therapist and how I healed was not the focus of my story. Mine was just that: my story ... take it or leave it ... but it was honest and real. If I wanted to write a book on healing, I would have. But I don't feel qualified to do that. And besides, there are many wonderful books out there for that purpose. I even addressed this in one of my book talks where some of my readers, themselves victims, said I'd done the right thing as it helped them relate even better and helped them realize they were not alone when they heard what he actually said and did to me.

Bottom line: 2 sides to this argument and you are so right: write the story as YOU need to and if it's graphic, put in a warning and let the reader decide if they can handle it. As for the others, get your heads out of the sand folks. This is the real world and this is happening in a home near you!”

We actually videoed segments of the book talk I referred to above where other victims gave their views on the graphic detail in my book. If you'd like to hear what they said, watch this video:



So now, I'd love your feedback on my response and on Marjorie's original blogpost on her LAMPLIGHTER MOVEMENT site. Was NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER too graphic?  Should graphic details be spared in books on child sexual abuse? Waiting to hear from you: what do you think? And by the way, you can download a FREE SAMPLE of my book at both SMASHWORDS and GOODREADS

12 comments:

  1. Viga, like I said in the video, no, it would just be a book, and the purpose of the graphic details are for the reader to feel what was done to you, are things that are done to kids every day. Abuse can't be hidden, and if it makes people realize by reading the graphics, maybe they will wake up and start being a voice to those who are silent. Also, it helps others see that they are not alone, that what happened to them, also happened to others. Child abuse is just what it is, and without the graphics it is nothing more than a book and doesn't describe what hurt you felt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Mary and I agree with you, especially on this point: "without the graphics it is nothing more than a book and doesn't describe what hurt you felt." Appreciate your commenting here. We got a few on Facebook too. I might post them here as they too were excellent.

      Delete
  2. Thanks Pepper Joy Greggs for leaving this comment in our Facebook Group for Incest Survivors:

    "Love the points raised here! My husband and I both agree in your book it was great with detail but, neither of us felt you gave any detail that was uncalled for. You told what happened and how. I knew when to put the book down or skip past a few sentences to avoid being triggered. I made it through your journey and did well. I will be keeping this post in mind as I continue writing my story. Thanks for sharing!"

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks Rebecca for leaving this comment in our Facebook Group for Incest Survivors:

    "Totally agree - your story, your right to tell it how it really was. Perhaps from already knowing you in this group and having read parts prior etc, I was prepared for whaT was in the book, and knew it did not detail at any length the healing process. For me the value in your book lay in recognising the patterns in tandem with my own story - knowing that what i have experienced/still experience is (sadly) normal for those of us who have experienced CSA has helped me to feel ok, feel less isolated and has also at times helped be to bring up things in therapy. I think we need all types of books, both the graphic real life stories as well as the help for healing books. They all meet different needs at different stages of this journey. And as I said - your story - your right to tell it how it was."

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks Jessica for leaving this comment in our Facebook Group for Incest Survivors:

    "You said it perfectly Viga Boland.... The truth deserves to be told how it happened."

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks Krys for leaving this comment in our Facebook Group for Incest Survivors:

    "sometimes brutal honesty is what is needed...esp for the heinous things"

    ReplyDelete
  6. I was seeing a therapist while I was writing Beyond the Tears. I remember reading a passage to her, and asking her if it was "too graphic." She said told me that if I covered words like "penetration" with "molestation" or "incest" with "family abuse" I would be minimizing the devastation of child abuse, diminishing my own experience, and "downsizing" others' experience. Great comments on telling the truth here!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love what you wrote here Lynn. Your therapist said it all when she told you: " if I covered words like "penetration" with "molestation" or "incest" with "family abuse" I would be minimizing the devastation of child abuse, diminishing my own experience, and "downsizing" others' experience." EXACTLY!

      Delete
  7. "Thank you for this blog on graphic content. I do not think we have a measuring stick for what is graphic, and what is not graphic. That may be up to the reader to decide. Even the reader may find some content graphic one day, and the same content not so graphic the next day. In cases of the heinous crime of child abuse, it is difficult to withhold graphic content while still telling the whole truth."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is very true Lynn: depending on what kind of day we are having, graphic content can trigger more or less. And yes, how do you inform anyone who's not been a victim of what it feels like to be one if you withhold graphic content? As Mary said above, you cannot feel the hurt without the details. Thanks for commenting.

      Delete
  8. Hey Viga. I believe No tears for my father is your personal story . A story that other survivors; such as myself share parts of . To censor our own life story and editing out parts does ourself nor anyone good. We cannot and should not sugar coat it. There is a trigger warning on the book. It s not like books on childhood abuse are in the childrens section. Life is not a tv show. While csi and the like hawk stories of abuse as entertaining; abuse is not. Keep writing as you do viga. It does no one good to live in a personalized comfort bubble;staying clear of "bad" in the world. One day that comfort bubble will pop and they realize there is no hiding . Life isn't sugar coated cutesy words.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for your well thought out reply Joe and I agree with you all the way. Seems most who responded both here and on my website feel the same way. Thanks for your ongoing support.

      Delete