OBSESSED WITH #INCEST and a #BOOK TRAILER for #NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER

Watch a Book Trailer for NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER
Recently, someone on Facebook asked a question along the lines of this: "How was it for you after you finally got away from your abuser? How did you manage?" 

I was hesitant to answer this at first because of all the pain and suffering I read of in my own private and other abuse groups, the pain that questions like this can stir up again for so many. After all these years, I'm no longer suffering like they are.  When I read their pain, I almost feel I should apologize for not suffering!

The other thing that held me back from answering is what I'm seeing daily on Facebook: victims & group moderators spending hours and hours posting horrid stories of child sexual abuse, incest, pedophilia etc. I know many post these articles to keep spreading awareness, but the way Facebook works, I'm not sure those posts are being seen by anyone but other victims and I'm not convinced that's a good thing for the victims.  It keeps us all obsessed with incest and child sexual abuse and we are not the ones who need to know about it: we already do!

As I thought through how to answer, fact is, of course I suffered, not just during the 13 years of abuse but for many years after. I just never told anyone about it for 45 years. Yes, I had flashbacks ... daily! And yes, I wanted to scream and sometimes cried uncontrollably over the slightest things. And the nightmares continued for many years.  And yet, I never had therapy, and didn't resort to drugs or booze. So what's with me? Am I some kind of freak?

I never turned to those things because I knew that after the effects wore off, the pain would still be there. The memories would still be there. Booze and drugs would just keep me running from the truth, keep me from facing it. But only by facing it, by acknowledging it happened, telling myself over and over that what happened wasn't my fault and accepting that I could never change the past, could I put the past to rest and get on with my life.

The only answer I had to that Facebook question, was the paragraph above, along with this: by getting away from my abuser at last, while I wasn't free .. yet ... of the memories, I was free of the abuser and his dominance over every decision, every action in my life. I was free to decide and act as I wished, not as he told me to. I just had to decide and act and not be afraid to do both.

Furthermore, my abuser had stolen 13 years of my life, 13 years so important to any girl or boy: their teenage years. He had kept me imprisoned, mentally and physically. Now, away from him at last, I had so much catching up to do, so much world to see, so much life to experience, and something inside me said: "This is your new world. Embrace it!" And embrace it, I did! I was so busy embracing it,  I was like a child let loose in a candy shop after never having had candy. I didn't have time or inclination to dwell on, or obsess over the abuse. And that is how I managed; that is how I healed after incest.

At the request of many who have read my book, NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER, I am now writing a sequel. This is hard to write, much harder than I thought it would be.  On the one hand I find myself wondering if readers are expecting to see me wallowing in despair and pain as I pulled my life together. I worry that if I don't give them that, they might think then it all mustn't have been that bad, and they would be wrong for thinking that. On the other hand, will readers, especially other victims who still can't see a light at the end of the tunnel,  understand that because I found strength in the love of a good man who showed me not all men are like my father and gave me the freedom to be, and become who I am today, that it is possible to "get over it" to a certain degree, if not fully, then at least to the point that I'm no longer obsessed with it and feel the need to talk about it daily. Will they say, "Well it's alright for you! You got lucky. You got a good guy. I don't think I ever will...!"

I certainly hope that won't be the case, but I'm committed now to writing that sequel. I don't know how long it will take but I'm planning to share it with the world in a different way, one that won't cost anyone a penny to read. There will be nothing to buy, not even an eBook! To find out how I plan to do that, you will need to sign up for the RANT, RAVE & REVEL  BLOG on my website. You'll find the place to do that right on my HOME PAGE where you can also purchase a signed, printed copy or an electronic version for all e-readers of NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER. 

And if  you haven't yet seen it, I hope you'll watch the BOOK TRAILER for "No Tears for my Father" at the top of this blog post. It's a bit creepy, as someone said, but then, incest is creepy!