Friday, May 9, 2014


These past two weeks, like many of us, I have been horrified and nauseated by the news of the kidnapping of those young girls in #Nigeria by the #Boko Haram. I am appalled by the rationale, the justification their mad leader, Abubakar Shekau, gives for their actions, i.e. 

"Girls, you should go and get married!" 

Adding further that "There is a market for selling humans. Allah says I should sell. He commands me to sell. I will sell women. I sell women!"

This line of thinking about women ... no ... young girls barely in their teens, is appalling! I want to scream out "What gives men the right to treat women this way?" Why, in this day and age are there cultures that still hold this archaic, barbaric attitude toward women? How many more centuries will it take before women are seen as equal and as deserving as men, not put on this earth to serve men, to be their slaves, good for nothing more than sex and having children? 

And yet, this attitude, as we all know, is not limited to Nigeria and many middle eastern cultures. Here in the great Western world, how much progress have women really made? We are far from equal to men in so many areas of life: work, home, educational opportunities etc. Men continue to rape women; pedophiles from all walks of life, abuse children of both sexes. Fathers, grandfathers and uncles continue to sexually molest their daughters, and families in denial continue to protect the abusers and victimize the victims. 

In my never-ending efforts to understand my own childhood sexual abuse and my mother's role in it, as told in my book, NO TEARS FOR MY FATHER,  I've been reading a book titled "Mothers of Incest Survivors" by Janis Tyler Johnson. This author studied and spoke with six  mothers and daughters about incest, how the moms found out, when they found out, how they handled it etc. Explanations for their failure to do nothing even when they knew the abuse was happening, are generally focussed on either the dependence these mothers had on the fathers for financial support or their own fear of their spouses. Both of those reasons would have applied to my own mother. Here's an excerpt from my book that explains her own fear of my father: 

"She met dad in the camp when she was 16. He fell madly in love with her but she never loved him. It was war-time and she had no-one, so he looked after her. One night in the trenches as the planes still patrolled overhead just after the war ended, I was conceived. So there she was, 17 and pregnant to a man she didn't love. 

Whatever pressures they were under, it didn't take long for Dad's violent nature to surface after they got married. I remember her telling me many years later how he kicked her off the bed and onto the floor, then continued to kick her in her swollen belly because of something she said that upset him. Another time he forced her down on her knees, demanding she kiss his little finger to acknowledge his dominance over her. She refused. 

The beating that followed her "disobedience" convinced her once and for all that opposing him was futile. She turned into a quiet little mouse who went to work, cooked his meals, cleaned the house and had little time for me, who after all, had come along, unwanted, and unfortunately for us both, chained her to him forever. No wonder I felt she had an unspoken resentment of me all my life. "

That was 50 years ago. How different was my father or his attitude toward women from the Boko Haram? And how many men living today in our very modernized western society still perceive women as my father did ie. that it was his right to treat mom this way, that indeed, she should kiss his little finger and if she didn't do as he commanded, then it was his right to kick her in the belly or beat her up or whatever he felt was fitting punishment for this little woman he most obviously saw as beneath him, as something so much lesser than he was. Garrghhh! It just makes me want to spew!

I think about my father and I read news items like this and every day I am so thankful that the man I married doesn't think like these men. How did I get this lucky? How I hope my daughters meet and marry men just like their dad. Did you, dear victim of incest or child sexual abuse have the good fortune to meet a really good man, one who understands that women deserve the same love and respect that men do. I sure hope so. 

Purchase a signed, printed copy or electronic copy for all e-readers directly from the author's website

Have you read "No Tears for my Father", a true story of incest, yet? Click the title to purchase a signed, printed copy today directly from the author herself. You will also find the electronic version for all e-readers, including Kindle, on the author's website, where you can also read chapters from the upcoming SEQUEL to her book which covers the 20 - 25 years of recovery and finding herself through love.