Wednesday, August 22, 2012


To those of you who have kindly subscribed to this blog .. then wondered where I am ... I'm here and feeling awesome! I feel awesome because this is probably the best thing I've ever done for myself: speaking out about my own sexual abuse and in the process, discovering so many wonderful women (and men!) whose stories are similar to mine and who, like me, are trying to turn something so negative into a big positive. And they are succeeding!

Over the past week, I've discovered Patricia Singleton, whose blog posts, like this one about learning to love yourself after abuse, offer comfort and inspiration. Patricia should know: like so many of us, she too has suffered at the hands of a sexual abuser. Then there's Lynn Tolson, whose books are helping so many others as she speaks out about her own abuse. I could go on listing one after another: I had no idea that many people are blogging about their abuse. You'll find links to some of these in my BLOGROLL on the right-hand side. I can't stress enough how important and helpful it is to read the posts by these victim/survivors. You might say you don't want to hear or read more: it brings up too many bad memories. To that, I can only offer the little poem I penned this afternoon while thinking about this very thing. You'll find it at the end of this blog.

It's also gratifying to see the membership on my Facebook page, OUT FROM UNDER, growing daily as I share relevant graphics posted by others or designed by myself. Folks love sharing these. Those who need them are comforted by them. Others are forced to think about them and face their own reality, painful as it might be. This IS necessary if we are to heal.

And best of all for me is that this voyage of self-discovery and disccovery of others has got my writing mind into gear after years of silence. So many times I've wanted to write, but I'm not a fiction writer. I can only write what I truly know ... and my own story is what I know best. Now that I've begun, I don't want to stop. I have other things that must be done but I'm finally making room and time for myself. Do you know how good that feels? I cannot encourage those of you who visit this page, my facebook page or simply lurk trying to get up the courage to tell your story, to just go and do it! It's truly amazing how good it can feel when you finally come out from under!

It's too easy when you're obsessed with a subject like incest, especially your own, to spend too much time on the negatives and to convey too many negative messages to your readers. I don't want to do that with every one of my blog posts, as much as I want to share my story with you. That you can read when I finally finish writing that book. So in the meantime, let me leave you now with that little poem I mentioned. Please share it, and this blog, with others whom you feel need to hear its message. And thanks for reading today's post.


Yes, you must face the pain
But reliving it again and again
Wallowing in despair gets you nowhere
except further under

You know you want to tell
You've tried to for many years
You start to speak, then shut your mouth
And your face dissolves in tears 
of fear and self-loathing

But this has to stop!
The abuser should feel the shame
The abuser should wear the guilt
The abuser is to blame 
for what you feel

Reach out to those who care
Love yourself that much! 
Let their open arms embrace you 
And heal you with their touch


                           ©Viga Boland 2012


  1. My heart aches for young Viga...
    While at the same time, my Spirit celebrates the courageous, resilient, and most loving real-time Viga.

    It's true. There is healing in every telling...

    1. Thank you dearest friend. It's your support and encouragement, along with that of my family, that is keeping me going with this very important piece of my life.

  2. Thank you, Viga for your words and for mentioning my blog post. The blogging world is full of other survivors like you and me who are now beginning to speak out about their abuse and their healing. Not all blog posts are about the bad things that happened to us as children. Some of them are written about the healing and the freedom that comes from healing from incest and other forms of child abuse. Welcome to my world and to my blog Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker. Some time over the next few days, I would like to add your blog to my blog roll too if that is okay with you.

    1. Oh absolutely Patricia. I was hoping you and the other bloggers who I support here would do the same for me. The more we work together and share our ideas, the more we can help others who might be just that little bit hesitant to come out from under. And it's my pleasure to mention you as I feel you have so much positive and healing material to share.

  3. I can feel your inner spirit shining through your courageous journey- to finally have a Voice; has freed you from a prison of shame. I believe you remind me of my favorite bird- a red tail hawk, who is learning how to fly again, in spite of his injured wing. Love You!!!

  4. Thanks so much Colleen. That's lovely. From this day forward, let me be that red tailed hawk!

  5. Hi Viga, just found your blog through My Justice, Having a voice is so important, and I applaud you for finding your voice, it's not easy to open up to the world and say hey, I'm a victim of incest, I'm speaking up. I too am a victim of incest, and have finally found my voice, and am speaking up for all to hear, Now that my two children know, I hold nothing back anymore, have posted many poems on groups I belong to on facebook, have my blog where I post all my poems about my incest and abuse by others. I have written a poem that has been made into a song which was a dream of mine, and it is going to be played at the festival in West Virginia through a group Healing through Creativity. I am finally a survivor, but like Trish said, those nightmares and flashbacks still haunt us, and sometimes it is hard to stop them, I have been haunted by them now for 2 days, and like Trish am having a hard time getting them out of my head. Patricia Singleton, is also a friend of mine, and I love her dearly, for also speaking out. We need to speak out and be heard, the world needs to know that abuse of any kind is not something to hide away, forget about, pretend it's not happening, but it did happen, and one difference can change all that, and that is what I hope we can all do..God Bless You for what you are doing, big hugs to you..Mary
    I would like to add you to my blogroll can find my blog at

  6. Thanks so much for commenting Mary, along with adding my blog to your blogroll. I'll be doing the same with Nippercats. I also originally found you via My Justice (I think) though I recall emailing you from another blog since your location was shown as Ontario, where I am.

    Congratulations on your wonderful rise above incest and abuse an on having one of your poems made into a song.That's wonderful. I often think experience like our unleashes some of the most creative people in the world and like to think there's some good that comes from the bad. You, Patricia McKnight, Pat Singleton, and so many others are proving that.

    Thanks too for joining my Facebook page at OUT FROM UNDER. I look foward to more correspondence with you and all our fellow survivors. We're one heck of a great bunch don't you think :))